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In fact, many women -- about one out of three -- have trouble reaching orgasm, periodwhen having sex with a partner. There are multiple factors at play here, not the least of which being it takes the average man a mere three to five minutes to orgasm, while most women need at least So just as she's getting warmed up, he blows his load and leaves her in a pleasure lurch.

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Movies make having orgasms seem so easy, like I just had one. There goes another one!

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When Sara Radin, a year-old writer in Brooklyn, started hooking up at age 16, she had a secret: She would orgasm while she and her partners were making out, and, by the time they got to sex, she was no longer interested in continuing. While premature orgasm is a phenomenon you most often hear about as it occurs for men, a study in Sexologies documented it for women. Over three percent experienced it so often that they met the criteria for female premature orgasm: frequently or always orgasming before they intended, a lack of control over their orgasms, and distress and relationship problems as a result.

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Some facts of life are sad but true, and one of these facts is that climaxing for many women is anything but easy. Anyone who deals with anxiety can tell you that it often causes intrusive thoughts and an extremely busy mind, and this can often lead to an inability to orgasm. According to Dr. Grant Hilary Brenner, a recent survey showed that whopping 58 percent of women attribute their inability to orgasm to their anxiety.

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To hear a woman say she achieved a vaginal orgasm is a rare occurrence. Historically, there has been a large knowledge gap when it comes to the science of female orgasms. The same study found that less than 1 in 5 women are able to orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

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In my 20s, I was oddly committed to seeking out my orgasms from other people a notoriously unreliable source. I understand having to work through shame and body issues before becoming completely comfortable with self-pleasure, but I really recommend doing whatever unblocking you need to start to pushing your own buttons ASAP. But you have to promise to control your inner Cersei; a person can get drunk off this much power.

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous.

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But variety really is the spice of life. You wouldn't eat the same three meals every day, nor would you wear the same outfit over and over. Sherry RossMD. Besides providing a physical release, it's also an emotional one—allowing you to feel closer to your partner or simply de-stress after a tough day.

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I am a woman. A white, cisgender, bisexual female. I have male partners the majority of the time.

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But they exist, and with a little awareness and attention, you can get the Os you deserve, from the fireworks-on-display kind to the calm oh-my-gods. When you find yourself missing out on the Big O, there are three likely culprits: expectations, communication, and method. And alongside all of that, experimenting is required. The clitoris is a small organ with a lot of nerve endings that peeks out from the tiptop of the vulva, is often covered by a hood, and extends down the inside of the labia.

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