Why men like phone sex

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One of those men was me. Each guy's greeting was his name and a little something about himself. Our messages were either lewd or pornographic, nothing else.

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Phone sex is the art of turning your partner on using just your voice. Making sexually suggestive remarks, asking your man what he likes in bed, and letting him in on your sexual fantasies are all things that can spice up your sex life and leave you lusting after each other. Patience is important when having phone sex.

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Lying about whether he thinks your mom is cool is one thing. Lying about where he is, how he feels about you, or anything that makes you feel like crap is another. A good guy with nothing to hide won't lie to you.

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Illustration by Erin Aniker. My First Time is a column and podcast series exploring sexuality, gender, and kink with the wide-eyed curiosity of a virgin. We all know your "first time" is about a lot more than just popping your cherry.

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Today, it seems irrelevant to talk about phone sex. Sure, we can sext and masturbate via FaceTime or Skype, but phone sex is all about performance, imagination and really working hard to get yourself and your partner on the other line off with just your voices. Sexting is like reading a Twitter feed, but phone sex is like sitting down with a really thick novel and conquering that thing, start to finish.

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I mean, I guess you could put the phone on speaker, but then you run the risk of someone else hearing. For real, just let me masturbate in peace. Women have to do all the work.

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What really turns a man on when he is having phone sex? Is it being able to attach the voice to the picture? Is it sexting girls and phone sex at the same time?

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Do you think the marriage is salvageable? Hint: You get to define the boundaries of the marriage you want to be in. My husband has two adult children from a previous marriage, and we have six grandchildren. Through the years, I have worked hard to host family gatherings for all holidays and birthdays.

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I remember the first e-mail I received from Jamie; it wasn't exactly poetic. Looking back, it's hard to believe what that simple line would lead to. He'd sent his note via Match.

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Look, no one is denying the fact that phone sex can be a lil awkward. Then, when you hear your partner responding to your commands, switch it up and make them take the reins. Sometimes physically saying words out loud can leave you in a fumbled mess—especially when those words are erotic and sexual.

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