Weird ways for guys to masturbate

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I only need to say the words multiple orgasm for men to feel a compulsion to chop off their balls. No wank will ever compare to the joy of the hooded, hidden glory that is the clit. But one of the most fun things about being a girl is that we can get away with masturbating… anywhere.

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Masturbation is one of those sex acts most people participate in regularly, but few discuss openly. Read these male and female masturbation stories from real guys and girls who got themselves off in the most epic manner possible. I came literally right as the road cleared up.

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Typically somewhere in middle school, a boy finds that his urine cannon is also a pleasure stick. What a glorious discovery that is! He learns that masturbation is dirty, wrong, pathetic and certainly not to be discussed.

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Skip navigation! Story from Sex. There are two things we know for sure about masturbation: Almost everyone's doing it, and absolutely no one wants to talk about it. That's cool.

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When it comes to men and self-pleasure, it's no surprise that most guys love it. After all, what do most men enjoy second only to beer, sports, and allowing their jobs consume them? Why, having sex, of course!

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Photo via Flickr user Omid Tavallai. These days, guys are generally open about the fact they masturbate. I mean, you might as well be, given that everyone already definitely knows you're at it as soon as the thought, What should I do to kill the next five minutes?

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When I was 7 or 8, I hoisted myself into a tree and accidentally gave myself an orgasm. I only know that it made complete sense. I went at it with un-self-conscious zeal for a year or so, until I realized that it was kind of unusual and normalized my behavior by switching over to a more boring method.

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Since it's a private activity, people are free to be as creative and weird as they want to get themselves off — but have no way of knowing what other people are doing. In search of answers, BuzzFeed asked people of all ages, genders, and sexualities to describe the nitty-gritty of how they actually masturbate. Here's what they said.

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Most men learn to masturbate quickly and quietly, as testosterone-loaded adolescents worried about parents or siblings walking in and disturbing their personal time. And those secretive, fast-and-furious habits can spill into adulthood, says Emily Morse, a sex expert and host of the popular podcast Sex with Emily. Are you missing out on moves that could make your orgasms even more pleasurable?

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Masturbation is considered by many to be the cornerstone of sexual health. Most men believe that they already know everything about their own genitals and sexual response. Also, contrary to popular belief, a penis doesn't make a man.

Comments

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