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Four songs into Bangerz and I realize something: Miley Cyrus makes the best fuck music. The porn parody is a timeless honor bestowed upon only the top tier of A-list celebrities. Like the real Miley, Porn Miley has a blonde Skrillex haircut, bright red lipstick and fingernails, and is constantly making a peace sign and sticking her tongue out—the international symbol for being Miley Cyrus. The guy who plays Justin Timberlake, although bearing no resemblance whatsoever to the real Justin Timberlake, is the best actor in the movie so far. Where are the big fake tits? Even with two ladies going to town on each other, the verse is still unbearably awful. At this point, I want to mention that all of the guys in this movie have gross dicks.

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Raelynn. Age: 26.
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Four songs into Bangerz and I realize something: Miley Cyrus makes the best fuck music.

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Kairi. Age: 29.
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Actor: Miley Cyrus

The guy who plays Justin Timberlake, although bearing no resemblance whatsoever to the real Justin Timberlake, is the best actor in the movie so far. Fortunately, this scene is too unsexy for it to be a problem. They settle this by—you guessed it—fucking. Four songs into Bangerz and I realize something: Miley Cyrus makes the best fuck music.

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