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To be fair, though, the postpartum clap was my favorite fart. What you think of as one of those upbeat smiley ladies is really just a woman who has figured out where to put her farts, undetected. Another thing that causes loads of farts is eating a ton of vegetables. My personal theory is that resting bitch face is really resting fart face. But to me, you should actually feel jealous.

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Eloise. Age: 29.
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Take maybe your worst hot-wings-and-jalapeno man fart, wrap it in a burrito and multiply it times dry ice.

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Fatima. Age: 30.
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A Boyfriend’s Guide to the 6 Critical Types of Lady Farts

My personal theory is that resting bitch face is really resting fart face. Mainly because for the period I enjoyed it, no one ever knew at first, or more importantly, for sure, that it was even a fart to begin with. We should be compensated for what amounts to reverse pollution.

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